


Frozen Oceans

by Rory_Ackerman



Series: Writing inspired by music [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hallucinations, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-War, Reincarnation, Songfic, Songwriting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:57:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10019789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rory_Ackerman/pseuds/Rory_Ackerman
Summary: Levi is at a loss after the passing of the 13th commander.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A short Eruri drabble inspired by a song called 'Frozen Oceans' by Shiny toy Guns.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_QUB8PU7gw
> 
> WARNING: contains manga spoilers up to chapter 90.

The nights when it rains are the worst. Levi had never liked the rain. The first night he had felt the water fall freely on him, he had lost a part of himself. It wasn’t his first loss, nor his last. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. That night, he had sworn to follow the true wings of freedom. That man, his man. The man he was meant to kill, who he was going to kill, who he couldn’t kill, who now kills him inside every day.

 

**_I can't sleep_ **

**_I've lost the urge to sing_ **

**_No one's left a friend_ **

**_The cost of ill pretend_ **

 

The rainy nights weren’t as bad before, when he could bury his face to that broad chest, his muscular arm protecting him from his personal demons. In those moments he was able to forget for just a moment, and just feel that steady heartbeat. He felt calm and safe then. It all changed. The night’s now were so much worse. The steady heartbeat was gone, he tried to feel his own, but it didn’t help. His heart had no use anymore.

 

**_Where'd you go?_ **

**_I need you now_ **

**_I said ooh-ooh_ **

 

When wall Maria was taken back, and the titans exterminated. He didn’t hear the screams of joy filling the streets, he heard the screams of the fallen in his head. He could never unhear them.

When they reached the ocean, he felt empty. It felt nothing like victory should have. Humanity had won, he had lost. He lost so much. The pain strangled him from the inside, killing him slowly. Still his face remained stoic.

 

**_Ten thousand miles apart_ **

**_A frozen ocean joins our hearts_ **

**_I can't wait to meet you when_ **

**_The frozen waves meet ocean floors_ **

**_You'll be standing on the shore_ **

**_I can't wait to meet you then_ **

 

The nightmares from his childhood came back. The ones he had after his mother passed. They assaulted his body after nightfall, making him curl to himself, waiting and praying for it to be over. He waited for the tall blonde come and kiss them away, to hold him until the shaking stopped, to tell him he would always be there.

He never did.

 

**_I still dream_ **

**_But what should I believe_ **

**_Frozen shapes to bend_ **

**_Impossible sets in_ **

 

He stopped sleeping when it became too much. He stopped eating when it didn’t stay down. He stopped believing when nothing came true. He stopped dreaming when the nightmares became reality. He stopped living when he did, when they all did.

 

**_Lost again_ **

**_Still alone_ **

**_I said ooh-ooh_ **

 

He didn’t stop fighting, they had come too far. He followed the 14th commander. Giving his loyalty to her. Praying that she would not be the next one to leave him. The fight was coming to it’s end. The titans gone. He was nothing more than a warrior, a shell of a human. What could he do anymore. He had left his humanity a long time ago, killing his way through life. Wondering if he should regret more.

 

**_Ten thousand miles apart_ **

**_A frozen ocean joins our hearts_ **

**_I can't wait to meet you when_ **

**_The frozen waves meet ocean floors_ **

**_You'll be standing on the shore_ **

**_I can't wait to meet you then_ **

 

He couldn’t settle. Couldn’t grow roots anywhere. So he left, he went to the ocean, alone. Left everything behind. Maybe he could enjoy something in his remaining life.

 

**_I can't wait..._ **

 

He hadn’t slept more than few hours in weeks, his bones were visible through his paper white skin, eyes hollowed and glazed. It was a miracle that he was able to reach the ocean. He fell from his horse, legs giving out. He landed in the sand. He didn’t feel pain anymore, he felt nothing.

 

**_The frozen waves meet ocean floors_ **

 

A strong wave hit him, soaking him through, bringing him back to consciousness. He lifted his face from the sand. Looked out to the open water.

 

**_You'll be standing on the shore_ **

 

A man, his man, was standing in the ocean, water reaching his knees. Blonde hair shining in the evening sun, a smile brightening his face. He extended his arms out to Levi, waiting for him. Erwin...

 

**_I can't wait to meet you then_ **

 

Levi struggled to get on his feet, giving up and crawling. He had waited so long, they were finally together again. He reached the other man, who had also fallen on his knees. He wrapped Levi in his embrace. Levi could hear the heartbeat he had missed again. He felt complete again. Erwin’s strong hands wrapped around him. Hands... Two of them... It wasn’t real.

 

**_Ten thousand miles apart_ **

**_A frozen ocean joins our hearts_ **

 

I didn’t matter. It was real enough. This was good. The warm body flush against his, bringing him joy for the last time in this life. The cold water washed them slowly away. He was glad to go. Glad to be with him forever. Maybe not in this life, but the next one.

 

**_I can't wait to meet you when_ **

  
  


“I’ll always find you again.”

“I can’t wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me.


End file.
